Overcoming Perfectionism & Mom Guilt

by | Feb 13, 2019 | Blog, Control, Motherhood, Perfectionism, Uncategorized | 0 comments

“I can’t keep up.”

“This is requiring all of me and it’s stressing me out.”

I want to pursue my personal goals and desires but I don’t see how that’s possible when I am responsible for “everyone” and “everything.”

I’m overwhelmed.

I hear you.

You want to be (your version of) the perfect mom.

But deep down inside you know this expectation of yourself is the source of your pain.

You know you’ve set the bar high, but how could you not?

… it’s because you care.

You care about your family.

You care about having a tidy home.

You care about feeling connected to the ones you love most.

AND here’s the thing, you know you’re capable of being your best.

But you feel like you’re falling short. And the aftermath – is some serious “mom guilt” because you want to be the best you can be for your kids.

You might be seeing other women who look like they can do it all – and your perspective only shows you – all that you’re not.

You might be thinking…

But all the “things to do”, how do I get them all done?”

You don’t.

“It just doesn’t seem possible to do it all on my own.”

It’s not.

…. your consciousness is kicking in.

…. your intuition is speaking to you.

You know you need some help.

Some help in the form of guidance because, underneath all of these layers,  you know you CAN be your best.

I’m here to offer you that GUIDANCE in the form of a perspective shift that will change your life if you let it.

Let’s dive in.

My story : Moving beyond “perfect.”

I’ve come to realize I’m not going to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect housekeeper, the perfect coach and business woman all simultaneously.

I am going to be my best at all of those things but in due time. What I want my kids to see is that – I’m trying to be better – and I am remaining committed especially when I FAIL again and again.

I want them to see that I am resilient.

Sometimes the family is running smoothly and I can devote a little more time to my work. Sometimes the kids decide to sleep in until 7am and I can devote a little more time to my meditation practice. And sometimes when things are really in flow with our marriage we find joy in collaborating on the house keeping efforts. There’s nothing better than a glass of red and a partner to fold laundry with  (<— that was a joke).

It’s a constant evolution and a “letting go” of this idea that “I’ve got to be perfect” at everything.

I’ve realized that, trying my best in all of these areas is good enough.

And this realization is freeing!

However, when my confidence is shaken and I’m not mindful of – my best is enough – I’ve got some serious “mom guilt” going on that sounds like:

  • Why didn’t I just leave a little bit earlier to get them to bed on time. Now our whole weekend will be impacted by them being crabby and sick…
  • I shouldn’t have let them have all of that sugar… #regret
  • We’re always late, I can’t believe I just overreacted and yelled at them when it’s my fault we’re late. #shame
  • The other kids are doing it, so should I let mine even if it doesn’t feel right? Ah, I want them to fit in but…?? #constantquestioning

The list is endless… and it feels “icky.”

Do you feel me?

“Mom guilt” emerges when you question your own decision making skills.

Mom guilt is a lack of confidence that you know what’s best for yourself and your children.

Society has trained us to seek answers outside of ourselves. We have trained ourselves to live like : “She” knows better than “Me.”

This perspective is dis-empowering.

And it’s one of the many ways we quickly spiral out of control when we give our power away to others  – who we think “know best.”

They don’t.

You know what’s best for yourself and your children.

Think about all those times you’ve caught yourself obsessively googling for the “right” answers…. trying out one solution after another, unsuccessfully.

We’ve learned to turn to OUTSIDE vs. INSIDE for the answers.

A strong, confident woman is a woman who listens to her gut and goes with it, and re-navigates as needed along the way.

The perspective shift: honor the Being activities of your day not the Doing ones.

When you really look the admirable qualities of the “perfect mom” you will see that it’s not that she can do it all – its about who she was Being while she was doing it all.

Are you with me?

Its that calm, confident, seemingly put together woman that you’re admiring.

She’s peaceful and present.

And while being peaceful and present – the things that she does “DO” look easy.

She gets more done in less time. It’s amazing.

Mama, this is your SHIFT.

Choose how you want to BE and place your focus there.

Here is a list of words that may inspire you:

Calm

Peaceful

Present

Joyful

Connected

Intune

Confident

Happy

Loving

Place the word that speaks most to you at the forefront of your mind all throughout your day and renavigate back to it when you feel triggered. Just like at the gym, you’ve got to get your “reps” in to build mental strength.

We’re changing up habits and patterns here.

This takes time.

Finding confidence, compassion and self love.

I want you to feel like you can stand on the stage of your own life feeling powerful and in control.

You can be your best at everything, but you don’t have to be your best at everything, right now!

You will fumble your way there.

What’s most important though is that you find compassion for the woman that you’re becoming along the way.

An aware, open, vulnerable, resilient version of “You” who is doing her best.

Your best is enough.

It truly is.

Isn’t this the message you want your kids to believe too?

Let them learn it through You!

Be gentle and kind to yourself – this really matters.

Make a commitment to yourself to show up as the best version of You every morning – trust that as you honor this promise to yourself, the rest will fall into place in due time.

More important that any to-do list, I am asking you to re-prioritize YOU.

Yes this may sound like I’m asking you to take a leap of faith. Because I am.

I’m asking you to slow down and let go of “not enough.”

That’s your story that you created.

And you are no longer a victim of it.

You know how to set yourself free now.

You set yourself free through focusing on Being not Doing.

mindset shift mom guilt

So put down your phone and go outside and take a breath of fresh air – soak up the peacefulness that exists in a moment like this. Be Peaceful.

 

Bring THAT calm, confident, radiant Self back into the game of your life.

 

See how this simple act – changes everything on an energetic level that is felt by all you come into contact with.

 

A simple, more present, happy life begins in our moment by moment choice of presence …. Recognizing and believing that:

 

I am enough.

 

Exactly as a I am.

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About Me

I am from San Diego, California. I have been coaching for over 11 years. I love to spend my time with my 2 kids and helping women reach their goals.

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